The Tale of a Cheat

It should have been obvious. I mean, a red suit? But when the children were going crazy and I couldn't hardly understand his Chinese...

It started with a knock at the door. Noon. I'd just finished reading to the girls and told Hadassah we were going to get some lunch. Ryan was meeting friends that day, so he wouldn't be home. But first, the door. I put Ellie on her tummy with some toys and Hadassah and I went to answer.

He seemed just as surprised to see us as I was to see him. I was expecting a delivery man, and he sure wasn't expecting a foreigner. He had a booklet that had big pictures of roaches on it. Not something I really wanted to look at! He said something I didn't understand and gestured with a tube of what looked to be bug repellent. Hmm, I guess he's hear to spray for bugs? Maybe they get this done every year?

I motioned him inside but gestured to his booklet and told him “we don't have these” in my limited Chinese. Being on the 14^th floor has had its perks, as I have yet to see a bug inside this apartment, unlike those that invaded our first one!

He said some other stuff, and noticing my confused look, said in English, “You don't speak Chinese.” I affirmed that with an “yi dian dian” (very little bit) and he didn't offer anything else in English so I'm guessing that was limited for him too. He kept gesturing to his booklet, showing me a picture of roaches and spiders, and was looking for something in the kitchen. I let him. I mean we often have random people come by to fix things or look at the numbers on our gas meter or whatever. When I can't speak the language I just let people do their thing. He put some bug stuff on the hinges of the door, as I checked on Ellie. Then he had me sign my name on a piece of paper, that was almost full of other signatures. It confirmed to me what I'd been thinking: This must be something they do in each apartment every year.

But then he pulled out four boxes of roach traps and two receipts, each for 200 kuai (about $34). That's when I got unsure – I mean, I wasn't planning on buying anything, and if I did have to pay for the bug repellent he'd done I was expecting a smaller amount! So, I told him I would call a friend.

“E.” She's the one who always helps us with things like this. She's been friendly from even before we moved here, and so helpful to translate for me when repair men come. In fact, one day she asked for ½ cup of peanutbutter since she'd run out and was cooking, which made me so happy as I told her it had always been my dream to know my neighbors well enough that we could ask each other for ingredients we were missing. She said it had been her dream too, and was glad she'd convinced us to move here. :) Anyway, I hated to bother her, especially since I knew she was sick with a cold, unable to come to our weekly study that morning. But I didn't know who else to call.

I briefly explained, and gave the phone to the guy, who talked with her for a while. Hadassah, meanwhile, I was trying to hold instead of letting her poke around the guy's things, and Ellie was getting a little fussy as it was time for her to nap again. When he gave the phone back to me, E started to explain that the stuff was child safe when the phone had issues. I could barely hear her so I put Hadassah down as she was making noise, only to have the phone drop and then me hear Ellie crying loudly. I looked over to see Hadassah kicking her feet into her head!!

This always happens when I'm busy – I seethed inwardly as I sent Hadassah to her room and comforted the crying Ellie. 9 times out of 10 Hadassah is very sweet to Ellie, loving to hug and kiss her, show her toys, and do “dance shows” for her. But when she knows my attention is elsewhere or people are around, for some reason the aggression comes out. Maybe because she knows she'll get attention? Either way it makes it hard to deal with in the moment, and grieves my heart to see. I tried calling E back, but Ellie was still crying and the phone was still breaking up. I knew I had to get back to Hadassah too, so I just gave the man the money. He was hanging around like he expected it, so I assumed E would tell me it was something they did at the apartment each year or something. If not that, maybe it was something our landlord ordered. Oh how hard it is to be renting and not able to speak the language!!

I put Ellie in her play pen and had a long talk and disciplined and prayed with Hadassah. I put her in her chair to eat some lunch, knowing part of her acting out was tied to hunger, and messaged E: “I paid the guy and he left. Maybe this is something they do every year, as he seemed to expect me to pay for it. Thank you for your help.”

She replied: “You paid how much? Kind of strange. I'll go to the Wuye [apartment facilities people] to ask.” I told her the amount, 400 kuai, and that there looked to be others that had signed, adding, “It was unfortunate that Hadassah started hurting Ellie, so I was very flustered. If we lost money it was my fault.”

Her reply clinched it: “Oh my goodness! He must be a cheat! He didn't say the money with me in the phone. Let me see if we can call to Wuye to stop the cheat!!” I felt bad. I didn't want her to go to so much trouble, with her being sick especially, telling her it was my fault and a risk we took living over here and not knowing the money. But we weren't alone. E sent another message: “I called Wuye. Cheat! Other people has called Wuye looking for him. What clothes does he wear? Red?”

Yes. I hadn't even really noticed in my distraction from the girls, but the red suit had been kind of gaudy. He'd been dressed up fancy, not like a normal repair man. The booklet must have been to try and convince me to buy something, whereas I just assumed it was an explanation. The tears came. The frustration of not being able to communicate with random people at the door, the fact that I'm just too trusting usually anyway, coupled with the sadness of seeing my older daughter hurt my younger. Sibling rivalry at such a young age is such a heavy thing, showing the ingrained nature of sin...

But soon what prompted tears turned into a reason to laugh. E called: “I'm on my way to your house. The security man caught the cheat. I will return your money in exchange for what he gave you.”

Visions of the older men that stand at our gate chasing down the “Cheat” made me smile a bit. And I breathed a sigh of relief at not having lost another almost $100 on something I just didn't understand. It gave me a story to tell Ryan and I praised E for her role in catching the Cheat. If she hadn't acted quickly, he probably would have gotten away.

And next time, I won't be quite as trusting to let just anyone in our house. I tend to be too agreeable when I don't understand someone. But this has opened my eyes... And given me another story to recount one day of our life in building 5.

Our home on a beautiful, blue sky day

Snow Day and Challenges...

It had long been talked of among friends. The temperatures were falling below freezing and it *might* snow! Just like my home state of Alabama, snow here is a once-a-year-if-that phenomenon, and so it's a pretty exciting thing. So when, on Saturday morning, I looked out of the window to see flakes falling, I scooped up Hadassah and rushed to our balcony for a closer look. She was mesmerized and kept exclaiming, "I need to go down there!"

I was about to meet with a friend for sharing/prayer, so Ryan got her bundled and took her outside to experience the first snow she can remember. (She spent the first 4 months of her life surrounded by snow in Iowa, but of course has no recollection!)

The wonder of a snowflake on her finger... How wonderful to experience childhood again through the eyes of our children!

And her Daddy was awesome to brave the freezing cold and strong gusts of wind to share it with her! This winter in Shanghai is the coldest it's been in 35 years according to reports, and we definitely felt it over the weekend! Even our pretty-well-sealed apartment had drafts coming in from all the doors and windows with the gales we could hear whistling outside.

Even when there's snow, you can't stand being outside too long, so Ryan took Hadassah to their favorite daddy-daughter-date place, Zoo Coffee. Hadassah still loves it so!

The extra cold made our heaters not able to keep up as well, so Saturday night had Hadassah awake for an hour as she woke needing to go to the bathroom, then having a hard time getting back to sleep. Extra clothes and blankets for us all finally did the trick, but we were slow getting to church the next morning. Just the run from the building to the taxi was enough of the crazy wind for me!

That evening we decided to make a cozy, fun evening for Hadassah, splurging with one of the popcorn bags we'd finally gotten in our red suitcase and watching short kids movies on the couch. It helped me forget some the craziness of the afternoon, as I discovered that I have intestinal worms. Ugh. Why?? The list of reasons you could get them all match rather well with the surroundings here, but still... I remember hearing my dad talk about them in his tales of growing up in Africa, and thinking that would be one of the very grossest things to discover. And now I have them. Doctor's appointment is scheduled for tomorrow. But it took a while to get over the initial shock, and I still don't like to think about it...

Monday morning came, a day I usually spend getting back on track after the weekend. But as we were eating breakfast, the power went out. Ryan needed to catch the company bus, so gave me the simple Chinese words to call the apartment fix-it office with: the equivalent of "No electricity" along with our apartment number. I was relieved to be able to do it myself for once, but as the hours dragged by, I finally texted a Chinese friend for help. On the phone there had been a string of Chinese I hadn't understood... She called them for me and learned the men were busy trying to defrost frozen pipes and would be there as soon as they could.

 So I spent the morning snuggling with my girl under blankets reading story after story, and making hot cocoa to warm our insides. It was a good excuse to let the to-do list go, and just enjoy having fun with my child. Thankfully Ellie slept most of the time, all swaddled tightly and with an extra blanket on top for good measure. We realized just how much our heat does when it was off for 2 1/2 hours!

Soon after Ellie woke, the guy arrived and flipped the breaker in the locked box in the hall way. After I nursed Hadassah, she wanted to play duck duck goose - "with Ellie!" she added. When it's just her and I, we add her stuffed animals to the mix. She'll say "goose" on one of their heads, and I'll stay seated and have the animal "chase" her in the air around the circle. Makes her laugh, gets some energy out, and I don't have to run much at all! It's always fun seeing Hadassah want to include her sister too.

But between waking up late and the power going out, then having one thing or another happen all morning, I was really missing a shower. It'd been too long. At lunch I told Ryan, "it's my one goal for the afternoon!" I planned to do it when the girls were safely napping, but Hadassah never did... Not enough energy out? The coldness of her room? For some reason her heater had never really kicked in after the power outage. Or was she just being defiant and testing me, as she kept having requests for me to come? Finally I told her I couldn't come in again, showered despite the protests from her room, and then got her up soon after. If she hadn't fallen asleep by then, she wasn't going to.

I was feeling trapped. That "I really want to get out of here" feel. I was tempted to be really upset with Hadassah for not napping, depriving me of "my" time to get things done... But I knew that wasn't logical or deserved. And my attitude was not what it should be. I turned on Sovereign Grace music. And it helped:

Shall I take from Your hand Your blessings
Yet not welcome any pain?
Shall I thank You for days of sunshine
Yet grumble in days of rain?
Shall I love You in times of plenty
Then leave You in days of drought?
Shall I trust when I reap a harvest
But when winter winds blow, then doubt?

Oh let Your will be done in me
In Your love I will abide
Oh I long for nothing else as long
As You are glorified

(From the song, "As Long as You are Glorified")

 Tuesday was a really good day. The sun shone, I actually got outside with the girls (albeit only a short walk to get eggs) and I had a date with my man. The sky was even blue.

Today it's rainy again. And supposed to be all week. The water wouldn't get hot enough to give Hadassah a bath until almost lunch time. Most of the morning was spent trying to get the faucets on our washing machine balcony working. The one to the machine was spewing water and the one in the sink was dripping. There's no insulation or heat out there, so the freezing temps were too much. My amazing Chinese friend helped so much... She called the fix-it guy, translated for me over the phone when he was telling me stuff I didn't understand, and came over to see the model of the faucet so she could buy me one. I only had a mini flood on the balcony... she had one in her apartment all over her kitchen and dining room, yet she took so much time to help me. She bought the faucet and brought it to my house, waiting with me while it took 30 minutes for the fixit man to show up. It was a good excuse to visit as we hadn't seen her in a while. But it all thwarted the plans I had to at least go for a walk in the car parking lot basement with the girls... So tempting to get irritated with it all again. And yet, what a blessing this friend is. I don't know what I'd do without her!

But Hadassah is napping. My washing machine is humming again after 5 days of being told not to use due to freezing fears. And do we ever need it!! I'm trying not to think about the rain slated for the next 3 days and just hoping things somehow dry... But the temperatures are above freezing, and our home is warm. Every day is an adventure, and I'm trying to embrace it. One day, I'll have the stories to tell my own children about our time in China.

Eliana's Birth Story

If birth details are not your thing, feel free to skip this post! But I wanted to record the memories while they were still fresh, as birth is a beautiful, painful, and faith-building process. God's grace in birth is amazing! And yes, the story is long... It's hard for me to be brief, and for things like this I want to remember every detail.

40 weeks pregnant and very "due!"

The Birth Story of Eliana Grace

November 4^th came. After all the “what-if’s” of going into labor early with all the traveling we did in the 3^rd trimester, we had made it to the due date. Well, technically the “due date” could have been calculated for a week before (as I was measuring early), but I wouldn’t let myself think it until this later date. Much as I know that it’s just an arbitrary date, I get antsy when it rolls around with no baby!

The day was like many before it. I played with Hadassah outside in the morning, and went on a fast walk to the mailbox (30 minutes round trip) by myself, in hopes that maybe that would start something. Braxton Hicks contractions had been going on pretty regularly for the past few weeks, and while it seemed like I was having more on this particular day, I didn’t let myself read too much into them. I sewed that afternoon, working on little Ellie’s Easter dress, thankful that with her delay in arriving I at least had more time to get things done!

By evening, I was definitely more uncomfortable. Just making supper and getting Hadassah to bed left me exhausted. And these seemed to be more regular contractions, and more “feely” ones too. Could it be? Ryan told me “not tonight – let’s wait ‘til morning!” which mirrored what he’d said the night I’d gone into labor the first time around, so I laughed, wondering if this really was for real. Not wanting to leave the house a mess, I took extra time to straighten up that night, and even put away my sewing supplies. A pretty big step in thinking this was it!

But, I decided to lay down, just in case they’d stop. Even if they didn’t, I knew I’d probably be in labor for a long time, and knew how much I needed rest. I was smarter this time around, or maybe just more tired with a toddler too! So we went to bed early, and I actually slept for about two hours. Pain in my back woke me around 11:15 PM though. This was definitely it.

We ate breakfast around midnight, as I was a little hungry and knew I’d probably need some fuel for all that was to come…

Ryan knew he needed to conserve his strength and rest while he can, as the pain wasn’t too intense yet, and the contractions were just 6-8 minutes apart. Having gone through always every-3-minutes-or-less contractions with Hadassah’s birth, I was thankful for the longer break between the pain, but also almost a bit bored waiting for things to progress! ;) I sat on the exercise ball quite a bit, pulling out the verses I’d written on index cards. Once again, the Word of God proved such a comfort and encouraging during the increasing pain. In my back, yet again. As much as I’d tried to encourage this baby to be in the ideal, anterior position through exercises for that purpose, it seemed I was birthing a posterior baby again. While I was disappointed, I knew God would get me through, as He faithfully did before.

Ryan checked in with me periodically during the night, as I labored and tried to rest as I could. Laying down again proved fruitless and way too painful, so I walked some and stayed on the ball mostly. A heating pad on my back helped some as the pain grew, but by 4 AM I needed pressure to be applied most of all. Ryan got up then, to give stronger pressure, and we discussed calling the midwife. Remembering that she’d told me before she had a 4:30 AM alarm, we decided to call around 5 AM.

Of course, cell phone service down in the valley is pretty terrible, so after the phone cutting in and out, Ryan went down to my parents’ house to make the call. When trying to look up my parents’ home phone number to tell the midwife, he accidentally called their home phone. My mom picked up right away – “Is Anna in labor?” I think she was even more excited than we were. J

The midwife wanted to talk to me, to assess if she should come or not. By that point I definitely couldn’t easily talk through the peak of the contractions, but we didn’t feel like we needed her right then, so she said she’d be on call.

Ryan ran around between pressing on my back, blowing up the birthing pool and getting things for it situated with my dad’s help. Soon Dad left for the airport to pick up my sister Lydia, Hadassah woke up, and I was able to hug her quickly before Ryan took her to my parent’s house. It was so nice having them just down the hill from us! I told Hadassah that this was the day baby Eliana was going to come out, and she seemed to understand… I’d talked to her before a few times about how when baby Ellie came, Mama would be sick for a while, as it hurt a little bit for a baby to come out. She made no protest as she left for Grandma’s.

A bit later, mom sent up some scrambled eggs and bagels. Grateful that Ryan had some food for him as the contractions were closer together now, I could only stomach one bite of each. Well, I was definitely in the “can’t think of eating now!” stage of labor, which was a good sign, as it meant things were progressing!

Finally around 7 AM, we told the midwife she might want to start heading this way, as it was a 45 minute drive. I was getting some contractions that double-peaked, and the pain was less and less bearable. I moved downstairs as Ryan started filling the pool. It took a while to get the hose set up right, and where it was screwed in outside there happened to be a huge bed of fire ants! So each trip to adjust something ended with him running in and pulling off his socks as fast as he could before getting bit by ants. Comical looking back on, but not fun to experience! Those contractions where he wasn’t there to press on my back were definitely hard, but I had hot water in the pool to look forward to!

Unfortunately, once everything was in place and the midwife had arrived and checked baby’s heartbeat (“good and strong!”), we checked the water filling the pool and discovered we had too quickly run out of the hot water. The pool was 1/3 full of cold water. So our amazing midwife went to work, boiling water on the stove, over and over and over again, pouring it in and hoping for the water to warm up. I appreciated her staying in the background, and not checking me other than for the baby’s heartbeat periodically. She gave me the time I needed without any pressure.

By this point, even sitting on the ball was painful. I stood mostly, my arms around my amazingly strong husband’s neck, leaning into him and almost hanging on him as the pain radiated, mostly in my back but also in front. I started groaning, prayed a lot, and was so thankful for the music playing in the background. Making a playlist of well-known relaxing, encouraging, and uplifting worship music had been so worth it. And Ryan was my rock. I was amazed at his strength in supporting me, and couldn’t imagine laboring without him.

As the pain grew and contractions came closer together, I could feel baby moving down. Were we getting closer? At least I knew that by standing up I was giving gravity opportunity to work, but I also really really really wanted to get in the water, knowing what a relief the warmth and weightlessness would be. But the water still wasn’t quite warm enough… I started bearing down a little, wondering if this baby would just drop out on the floor while I stood up! But I also tried not to push too much, not wanting to push too soon like last time, knowing I’d need to save strength. Finally the midwife declared, probably around 10 AM, that the pool was okay. I didn’t waste a minute in getting in.

And what a relief… The contractions were still very painful, but being able to squat and sit without having to put much weight on my legs was so helpful. I was given more juice to keep my blood sugar up, and started pushing more in earnest, accompanied by sounds I never knew I was capable of making outside of giving birth!

Feeling more and more like pushing, I also told the midwife she could call my mom to come up. While I’m not one to want extra people around – even the midwife hung out on the porch most of the morning to give us privacy – I knew my mom would be so blessed to be at the birth of a grandchild. Especially when it had been her dream since my dad built this guest house to have a baby born in it one day… A dream I’d laughed at before, wondering how that would ever happen, only to come to this point and be the one birthing here. I wanted to give her this gift too, since she had been the one to set the example and give the encouragement to try home birth in the first place.

When the tension in my back eased a bit (while still quite painful!), I knew baby had worked her way down past that point and that delivery was closer. I pushed even more, dreading the feel of the head crowning, but knowing what to work for. Having given birth once before, I knew what to push for (and also how painful it would be!), and just wanted to hold my baby and have these labor pains be over! With one big push I felt a gush and realized my water had broken. Progress!!

As my vocalization increased, my midwife helpfully instructed me that I was pushing too much out of my mouth and not enough down below. She told me to stop making noise, and instead focus on pushing more down. It was hard to do, but so helpful! As “Rock of Ages” played in the background, I heard the words “through the water and the blood” and knew the pain would be worth it. I pushed with all I could, and felt the sensation – the head had crowned!

Ryan had gotten in the pool with me to be ready to catch the baby, and he was able to see the head be delivered. But, just as had happened with my first baby, the next pushes, hard as I gave them, didn’t produce the body. Suddenly the midwife jumped in the pool, giving no thought to her clothes. She instructed me to lean back and reached down to grab the baby. A shoulder was stuck. It seemed like an eternity of “tug of war” as she yelled for me to push with all I had (which, in my exhausted state felt like I had nothing… but God gave strength I didn’t know I had!). She twisted and pulled (“like a cork off of a bottle” she later said) and I pushed, praying with all my might, and hearing Ryan pray, “Lord, please save Eliana.” The thought occurred – what if something’s wrong? – but I didn’t let myself dwell on it, instead focusing on trying to push, though I felt I had nothing left. I was also thankful to know my mom was praying in the background too. I knew that God was in control.

And God delivered, through the hands of an amazing, knowledgeable midwife. This amazing woman had delivered my younger sister 20 years ago, so she’s seen a lot of babies. My baby was a little blue, and didn’t cry right away as I snuggled her to my chest, thanking God and telling her to breathe. Ryan asked if everything was okay, and the midwife told us not to worry as she suctioned her throat a bit. And seconds later, she coughed and cried a little, and began to pink up. She was okay! And she was perfect. I noticed her hands right away – long fingers! :)

My mom noted the time on that November 5^th day: 11:20 AM. All in all, my painful labor had been about 12 hours. Not the “lots shorter” labor so many said they had for their second birth, but still 5 hours less than labor with Hadassah, so I was thankful. And she did look to be about 41 weeks gestation. But I was still glad I’d had that later due date in my head! ;)

When the midwife said “he” for the second time, I asked if we really had a girl. Turns out the midwife hadn’t looked, so we checked, and we were really holding a girl, our second daughter! Our Eliana Grace. Our God had truly answered with grace, as her name implies.

We bonded for quite a while in the pool, before the midwife said I should move to the bed as she preferred to deliver the placenta out of the water. So I reclined and nursed Ellie for the first time. It’s amazing how babies are born knowing what to do! The placenta still hadn’t come, so Ryan got some skin-to-skin bonding with Ellie while I moved to the toilet to try and get the placenta to come. The midwife prepared a shot of Pitocin, but I pushed and prayed for the placenta… I was in enough pain with the contractions there were that I really didn’t want any stronger contractions! Finally, the placenta dropped out without Pitocin. And I was amazed at its size -  how it and my baby fit inside me I do not know!

Especially when we weighed Eliana… As the midwife got her ready to be put in the sling, she said, “Any guesses?” I had gained a little less weight this pregnancy, but I guessed she was still over 8 lbs. The midwife said, “I think 8.2” and then gasped: 10.1 lbs!! I was amazed. Guess all the dire predictions the doctor in Shanghai had given me about having a big baby had come to pass. But, other than the shoulder dystocia (which I had with Hadassah as well, though she was just 8.8 lbs), Ellie was born without complication, and I didn’t even tear this time around, despite her largeness! That has made healing so so SO much faster and everything just less painful!

And I was so grateful God had allowed us to come back for this birth. I know the pressure from the doctor in China would have been strong to induce and/or go for a c-section when they saw how big baby was looking on the ultrasound. When pushing took a while, that could have also called for a c-section. And I just couldn’t imagine laboring in a hospital room… I really enjoy the peaceful environment of home and the freedom it allowed me to move around and do whatever I wanted without pressure or too much monitoring. Add to that the birthing pool; I really don’t know if I could have lasted and made it through without it. So God knew what He was doing to allow things to work out for us to come home for the birth.

In addition to her 10.1 lbs, Eliana Grace measured 21 inches long and was strong and healthy. She took to nursing right away, too. She somewhat concerned me that first day though, after nursing twice fairly close together, she slept for 7 hours straight, despite my best efforts to get her to wake up and nurse. I needn’t have worried… That night she woke every 2 hours on the dot!

My sister Lydia arrived home with my dad from the airport, having flown in from Eastern Europe, 20 minutes before Eliana was born. So it was quite the exciting morning! After getting cleaned up and Ellie dressed, we had our first visitors. My sis-in-law Megan had come over that morning to help watch Hadassah, who had a blast with her and told me all about it later! My brother Elijah had joined everyone for lunch, so he and Megan came up to meet Ellie, followed by Lydia. My mom came up for some Grandma snuggles soon after, and dad came once he returned from a meeting. They brought Hadassah up to us after she woke up from her nap, and we enjoyed some bonding time as a family of four. I’d thought months ago about how I wanted to introduce Hadassah to her sister. I didn’t want her to show up after a day of not seeing mommy and suddenly see a new baby in my arms. So we put Eliana in her cradle, and I got to snuggle my first baby with a big hug. Then, I took her over to meet her sister, and she was instantly enthralled. She wanted to hold her and we kept pointing out her cute little fingers and nose. We now had TWO girls!

God is good. He gives grace upon grace, and we are so thankful for His blessing of new life!

Flying and Felt Projects

It's time to fly.

But leaving home for 2 months? It's pretty crazy. Especially when you consider that we're going to have a baby while we're gone. Not being in my own home while giving birth to a baby was never on my list of things to do - I'm pretty sure it would have been high on my "never do!" list. But being at a dear friend's wedding and being with family and having a home birth in the comfort of familiarity... It makes you change your mind.

But it still seems crazy. And I'm realizing that this place really does feel like home. I'll miss it. I'll miss the friends God has blessed us with here. We actually really have friends here now.

And yet, I look forward to reconnecting with so many friends in the states. Two months hardly seems like enough time to spend with all of those we know and love so well.

I'm up late again. It's the night before we leave. Finally, the bags are almost all the way packed and weighed, I've made endless lists of things to buy in the states and more, and the washing machine is humming. I couldn't bear to leave towels wet for two months. And yet no dryer means I have to hang them up and ask a friend to come up in a few days to take them down and close the windows. But, I have friends to ask to do that so it is a blessing!

The days and evenings have been full this week. So much to do to prepare to go for so long! And to leave for so long... We've stayed up late and worked together, but every night after Hadassah goes to bed, we've enjoyed a slice of pumpkin pie. I finally got an oven that really seems to work and celebrated by making this fall-time favorite. No matter how busy, relaxing with my husband and this and a glass of milk for 10 minutes on the couch was always rejuvenating!

We're traveling as light as we can. But planning to bring quite a bit more back! Mostly clothes and shoes... It's still hard to figure out sizing and quality differences here, and I don't feel too bad when a mom who has lived her for 12 years says she still buys most of her 5 children's clothes when she is in America. But I've tried hard to keep carry ons especially light. We've learned our lesson trying to cart too many heavy bags on our backs around airports. And besides, having a young one means very little time for ourselves to read or do anything - the most important things are activities and snacks for her!

I've researched tons of "quiet" activities, and thought I'd share a few in pictures. A friend from church gave me colored felt scraps a while ago (after an online ordering fiasco left me with just gray and blue!) and I've been wanting to make some things I'd seen for quite a while. And when my hot glue gun malfunctioned after I'd cut almost everything out on Friday, with no where to buy one locally that I knew of, a friend from church came to the rescue bringing hers on Sunday for me to borrow...

Flying for 14 hours gives the perfect excuse to make something new, not to mention how handy these will be for other things for a toddler  to sit through, like church and a wedding!

None of the ideas are mine. A friend's pinterest board and blogs gave me most of them, though I made some design changes. :)

Butterfly foam board to lace, a color wheel to learn to clip and unclip little clothes pins (matching colors on the handle) and a tube with letters written in sharpie to stick the matching letter sticker to!

This idea looked like too much fun: a traveling, roll up doll "house"! I added making little food, as Hadassah loves "feeding" anything these days!

The doll house rolls up and ties so nicely with a ribbon, and I had fun making the "Popsicle pack" on the right!

This summer Hadassah discovered the wonderful joys of a cold Popsicle, and also loved helping me make them with the homemade holders I got. She also is fascinated with putting things in and out, so sliding these sticks in and out of the popsicles (and back into the packet) kept her fascinated for at least 10 minutes when I tried it out on her during church. :)

With felt boards like these keeping Hadassah quiet and happy during long church services for the past 6 months at least, it was time to make more, especially as she's able to do more. :)

Some are pretty simple, some more elaborate and requiring my help, but we'll be sitting right there with her on the plane, so no problem if we need to help a little bit! ;) And I am amazed at how quickly she catches on to things these days...

I was a paper doll addict when I was little, so this felt "paper" doll was so so much fun for me to make!

It's amazing how much joy I got out of designing the little clothes and accessories, and a very very crude version of this has kept Hadassah very happy for the past weeks at church, so I'm excited to show her a prettier version. :)

So, we're ready to fly.

Please pray. The 14 hour flight from China to the US is exhausting no matter what, but being 35 weeks pregnant adds a new set of challenges! Pray that there is little to no turbulence so that I can get up and walk and stretch a lot. Pray that Hadassah manages to sleep some so we can get some rest too! She has her own seat this time, which should help.

And pray that we get through the airport smoothly. We're leaving extra early tomorrow - 9 AM our time, although our flight doesn't leave until 4:20 PM our time (that's 3:20 AM CST so if you happen to be up in the night, pray! ;) ). Part of it is the fact that it's the first day of a week long national China holiday, so the 1 hour taxi ride to the airport may take longer. Part of it is the fact that we may have issues in the airport...

Although our airline has no restrictions on pregnant passengers flying even at 35 weeks (we called them twice to be sure!), we have been told that most Chinese airlines don't allow you to fly past 30 weeks, and so anticipate that airport staff may have questions. Ryan helped me find the best outfit to make me look more on the plump side and less so pregnant, but it's really hard to conceal a baby bump so conspicuous! So I'll be hanging in the background and playing with Hadassah, and hoping no one really cares to question. If they do, we've got some things printed (Delta's policy for pregnant flyers, a report from my doctor on Tuesday that states I have no signs of early labor), but still... Just being able to go through without issue would be the best.

Pray for health. Some friends have been sick and Hadassah showed signs of potential getting it just before bed, and Ryan's been battling some himself. Pray they are completely healthy tomorrow, and that I stay healthy. Thankfully my back/hip has been doing better - pray that it continues especially with all the walking then sitting!

And of course, pray for no early labor. ;) I'm pretty confident baby will stay put, but pray always helps! Prayers are appreciated over the rest of the weeks ahead too, as we recover from jet lag, enjoy a week's stop at Ryan's parents, spend a weekend at a friend's wedding, and then reach our final destination with my parents on October 11th.

Hadassah couldn't be more excited. We've been counting down the days on a sticker chart, and talking a lot about flying on an airplane to see Grandma and Grandpa and she is beyond ecstatic. We said goodbye to friends tonight, and when we got back to our apartment, she was upset that we weren't actually going on the plane yet! We told her we needed to make sure we got good rest before we flew, that it would be AFTER she slept... Which reminds me. Sleep. It's late and I need to get what I can. I'll likely be awake for at least 30 hours once I wake up tomorrow morning... 

Of backs and pots and frisbees

The title is about as random as you can get, right? Well, when it's Thursday and you're blogging about random stuff from the week, it's what you go with...

On Monday I woke up with a hurting hip. It soon progressed to my lower back, and I've spent the time since realizing how much I used to take walking without pain for granted. Though Ryan wanted to put me on bed rest (though the actuality of how that would work is hard to fathom!) some research showed lower back pain is very common in pregnancy, and it's not good to stop walking or stretching. It's likely I just wasn't careful enough in how I picked up Hadassah (I know too often I just scooped her up without bending my knees, etc.) and with my ever-growing front, I guess the strain was finally too much.

I have been taking it more careful. I pretty much did next-to-none housework for two days, only lift Hadassah when absolutely necessary, and have been slowly moving around. I feel like an old person. But... as I feel our little Ellie squirm around, it's all worth it. I'd endure much more for the sake of this little life. Though, yes, there are times I want to complain too!

Like when my friend let me borrow a back heating pad to help, only to have it work for a minute before (I surmise) shorting out. The plugs on this apartment are pretty horrible - almost every one makes whatever you plug into it fall out unless you wedge something against it.. I felt bad I broke my friend's heating pad, and also really wanted the heat application, as that one minute of it did feel good! So the next day, I made the trek to Auchaun (the closest supermarket). I called a taxi using the app, but he never showed up. After standing by the curb with Hadassah for 5 minutes in the rain (did I mention I didn't have an umbrella, as I didn't think it was supposed to rain that day?), I asked a taxi that just happened to be parked there if he'd take me. It never happens that one is just sitting there, and if they are, they're usually waiting for someone, but he was available!

Hadassah did a great job holding on to the rolling suitcase as we walked into the mall area, so I didn't have to carry her. We made it through the store picking up things accumulated on our list, but there were no heating pads to be found. I called my friend and she told me where she'd found it before at that store, but searching the bedding aisle proved fruitless. Finally I used my limited Chinese and some acting with the broken pad I'd brought along to ask "zài nǎlǐ" (where?). I asked people in 4 different places, following where they pointed but not understanding their directions, before someone finally took me TO the area. Hadassah was losing her patience of being in the cart (and to be fair, it'd be a while!) so I made her laugh, saying "everyone keeps saying go here, go there, go here, but Mommy doesn't know where to go!" which she thought was funny. Finally in the right aisle, there were no heating pads. So I spent time maneuvering a cart all over a store (not exactly good medicine for my back) to no avail...

But a Facebook friend's suggestion to put two cups of rice in an old sock with the end tied off and microwave it for 2 minutes has been wonderful! Did it last night and today, and whether it's that or something else, my back is much better. It's hurting more in my hip again, but seems like progress...

And yes, after 16 months in China, we finally bought a microwave. Ryan kept asking (if he needs to heat up food, he much prefers it to the gas stove!) and I have to admit, for things like this, it's pretty wonderful.

Ryan's back started hurting a little last night (from something he did while running), but I told him there's no way we can BOTH have back pain at the same time. So far, his seems to be cooperating with my warning. But prayers are appreciated for us both, for back strength!

I really miss not being able to scoop up and cuddle Hadassah whenever I want (or carry her where I need her to go if she's throwing a tantrum...) - and there are times I carry her anyway, like when a drill starts right above her bed (renovations on the apartment above) half-way through her nap and scares her awake... you need a mommy's holding and reassurance then! But it's also had a good result on forcing me to work more on teaching her to obey just my word. It's been a challenge. She even told me yesterday "I no like to obey." At least she's honest. But it's important, especially walking everywhere with cars around - and soon traveling across the world! - that she respond to our voice. It also makes me pray even more that God will grant her obedience and work in her heart to want to obey as she grows... Ultimately that she will know and want to obey the Lord's voice as she's learning more to obey ours.

 With Mommy more out of commission, Hadassah is getting more Daddy time, and it's so sweet to see their bond grow even stronger. I know it's good, too, that she get used to him doing more of the stuff I did by default, more potty trips, more changing for bed, more putting her in and out of the high chair, more laying her down in her crib. Because while I miss those opportunities to snuggle, it's good to have a gradual shift before baby comes and my arms have the potential of being more full. And I make sure to snuggle her as much as I can while sitting down, though having her sit ON my lap is proving more difficult!

And it's just so precious to see these two together... Oh how it melts my heart!

Hadassah happened to be right at the level of my belly today, and she gave it a spontaneous hug, and "talked" to little Ellie. She looked up with a huge smile and said "mommy bigger, bigger, pop - and see Hadassah!" She can't wait to meet her little sister and play with her as we talk so much about. Moments like those make me think she really does understand that there's a baby inside soon to come out and see her!

We even have the nursery more set up, and even got some pictures hung on other walls. Our house is getting to be more of a home. Our Chinese teacher spent her whole hour trying to help us pay online, only to get to a step requiring 48 hours verification, but hopefully tonight we'll be able to finally fully figure it out and be able to order the final things for decor. "Nesting" here has to happen sooner rather than later, as we leave in 2 weeks now!

Hadassah's latest craze has been "cook like Mama?" She'll almost always ask for some pans when I'm cooking, and even suggest it at other times too. While it's hard not to trip over her sometimes, I love the closeness it brings and love being the one she wants to copy. :)

And last but not least, on Sunday, Ryan got to play Ultimate Frisbee for the first time in Shanghai! A friend has been organizing times for people to play on campus most weeks, but this is the first time we were able to make it. I loved seeing my man run and jump and smile with the fun of it again, and wished I could get in on the action too! But, seasons of life change... ;) And we all had fun going out for pizza spur-of-the-moment with our friends afterwards, letting the children enjoy a choo choo train ride together at the end.

Thank you, God, for your blessings, and life even amid challenges... You are good.

Lessons in Dependence

Sometimes it just takes one more thing to make everything seem like a big deal. This time it was a cell phone that (again...) randomly wouldn't get the confirmation text code I needed to use on a confusing Chinese website (Taobao). Being up 'til 11 PM didn't help matters. And I suppose I was due another "nothing makes sense" moment after a "this feels like home" day and post. ;)

Ryan was up late working on a project for a recently announced close deadline, so I thought I should see if I could find a picture for our living room wall. Its blankness has been begging to be filled since we got it painted, but the colors are hard to match. After days of on-and-off searching, we'd finally ordered one, only to have it arrive MUCH more red than it looked online (we needed something orange!), and it was pretty low pixel quality. There went more money... With the website and seller all in Chinese, we weren't about to try figuring out a return, so it went to the trash pile in hopes someone could use it. To do anything here just costs more.

So, after 30 pages of "sunrise decorative paintings,", I had some options for Ryan to help narrow down. We landed on a perfect one... peaceful, not over-powering, and even pulling in the color of our mauve couches. So I set about the 10+ step check-out process, only to run into issues (of course) on the payment part. Really, as I copy and paste and try to make sense of weird - and often hilarious! - translations, I'm surprised we get anything... But 90% of the time time, stuff shows up at our door a few days after ordering, and it's the only way to get some things, so we still try.

Our bank card's security step needed something installed, a special Chinese character set. We have it installed on a different computer, but after looking like it was going to give out for months, the computer's power cord stopped giving charge. Sometimes not having a Best Buy or even a Walmart close by is really annoying, but just 3 weeks and we'll be able to replace it...

So, there went that. The "click to download" of course didn't work (with Chinese pop-ups we couldn't understand so we just tried clicking what seemed to be the right buttons). Ryan would have to sit and try to figure it out later, so hopefully that order could be completed in a day or two.

I should have given up there, but since Ryan was still going strong (the effects of an afternoon coffee for this purpose!), I thought I may as well look for an oven, since I never have the brain power to figure out Chinese sites while Hadassah is awake. Not that I ever really figure them out! ;) But, I know myself... Being up late makes me think less clearly, and I should have just stopped.

But... but our oven has not been working well for quite sometime. I thought it was just because it's basically a big toaster oven (almost the only thing available here), and that it was just losing heat or not able to heat up enough. While we've gotten used to really soft pizza crust and it taking 15 minutes to make good toast, I'd given up making bread after they always fell and never fully baked through, despite cooking for longer than the recipe required. And roasting veggies for over an hour still left them hard, and I almost always had to use the broiler to get cookies even somewhat baked. But two friends recently had excellently baked things in their big toaster oven, which were incidentally the same brand as each other's. So, although Ryan kept asking me "what are the specs?" in Chinese with translation it's REALLY hard to know what's good and what's not, so I thought I'd just go with a brand that seemed to work. They weren't super expensive either, and there was even a deal to buy one for a 1/3 of the price if I started the order that night!

But this seller required me to join something before buying (not really sure what...) and the fields to fill out were never right. It kept giving me an error pop-up message that (of course!) couldn't be selected and copied to translate. Ryan helped me try and fill out the right things, only to have the verification code I had to put in for my phone number expire. And my phone refused to receive another text.

That's when I gave up. I was up too late and hadn't even gotten anything ordered for all the hours of work and sacrificing sleep. We have 3 weeks before we leave for 2 months in America, which is exciting and a bit terrifying, as whatever we don't get done now likely won't happen for a long time, as we'll be bringing a one month old back...

Tears came as I tried to sleep. Partly because I cry more easily when I am over tired, and partly because I'm pregnant. But mostly because I just feel so incapable here. And things like this - being able to read and understand websites in Chinese (plus those popups you can't copy!) - will likely never get better.

I was fast in America. Capable. I ordered things online in a snap, or found good bargains on sale or at thrift stores. But as I tried not to think about it and Ryan tried to comfort me, everything little - but big in that moment - came flooding in. The fact that I haven't been clothes shopping since January. (It's too hard figuring out the size difference or knowing what is and isn't good quality, not to mention time.) I'm not lacking clothes, but my female side does miss shopping for something new now and then. Or the fact that I was down to one pair of good sandals for this summer, that completely gave out a few weeks ago. I tried to find new ones then, but the largest size stores sell don't fit my wide (not to mention pregnant!) feet. I have some not great for walking and also starting to fall apart to get by until we get back to the land where my 8 1/2 size feet aren't considered abnormally large, but when I have to walk so many places, I notice the lack more. My husband is currently wearing shoes to work that pinch his feet since his gave out and this was the largest men's size stores carry. My little girl is wearing mostly shirts that are stained, which no one really notices but me... But the local supermarket doesn't carry simple, normal looking (to me at least) t-shirts, children's boutiques or American brand stores are so expensive, and size and quality - not to mention the website in Chinese - is a headache to navigate online. And the photos I picked out to hange on our walls would have been uploaded and printed weeks ago, but right now I'm just trying to find time and the where-with-all to go to a local shop and try to point at things...

And there are other things... Like I've had to have two different Chinese friends pay bills for me recently, since moving messed some things up and online payments don't work for me. After a while you just get tired of asking, even though so many are happy to help.

It all seems rather silly now, though. I mean, we're fed and clothed and it's good to learn to do with less. I like not buying a lot of stuff. These "sufferings" are so minuscule compared to what millions endure. But the bothersome-ness of it all still pops up in moments like these... I never asked for these challenges to be on top of the full life of caring for a home and family.

But as the pity party thoughts pressed in, I realized that the root of it all is lack of reliance on God. There is so much to do and often not enough sleep, that lately time in His Word has been hit or miss. And as I try to cross things off of my lists, I slip into trying to do them in my own strength. The pride creeps in when they work, and the despair and "I can't take this!" hits hard when they don't. When really, God has all things under His control.

I have a suspicion that part of His plan in putting us in China was to teach me that I can't do it all. For an always reliable, likes-to-check-things-off, and I'll-figure-it-out-myself woman, this lesson is a hard one to learn, one I keep continuing to struggle with. "Capable Anna" just keeps wanting to be seen. But really, what I am here for is for others to see Christ in me.

I couldn't sleep, so took refuge in His Word. Lamentations 3:22-27 - "...the steadfast love of the Lord never fails... Great is His faithfulness... it is good to bear the yoke while young." The Psalms. "Hope in the Lord... His purposes never fail... Wait for Him." And while I wanted to stay mad and irritated at these challenges I never asked for, slowly my soul was stilled. And my pregnant, restless legs were eventually stilled enough too to allow me to sleep after getting up again to stretch. ;)

Why share this? To show that I still struggle (a lot!)... to mortify pride... to ask for prayer. God has been so good to allow us to return to the states for a short time, to have a baby where life makes a little more sense, and have a chance to buy things like shoes that fit and clothes at thrift store prices. But the enormity of trying to remember and buy everything we need in certain areas for our whole family for the next year... Between seeing friends and family and, oh yeah, having a baby (!) can seem overwhelming. Not to mention always questioning how much we should buy in America when our salary is in RMB and the exchange rate has gotten worse due lately. But hey - at least I'll be able to order online from websites in English using a payment method not requiring faulty text message verification. :)

Lord, please teach me more reliance on You and give me the discipline to look to You first and prioritize You more than my never done to-do lists...

Students Together

Learning Chinese. I now more fully understand the challenges everyone living in a different country faces. Not only does nearly every aspect of daily life take MORE time, not only are you without most of your family and friend's support, you're also somehow supposed to fit in time to learn a new language. And that on top of job and home and family responsibilities that are way more complicated in a different country than you ever thought.

We have been impressed at how much time people do sacrifice for it. Seeing friends who have studied intensively for a few years able to converse with almost anyone and even read characters is inspiring, and shows it really does pay off. But, for our situation in life, tutoring 3 times/week for an hour and studying on your own for even more just doesn't work. Yes, we could sacrifice more to fit more study in, but since we aren't planning to live here for life it's hard to know how much some of those sacrifices are worth it. Less time with a daughter who grows so fast so I can communicate a little more with a few strangers for the next two years? I just haven't been able to reconcile that.

And yet... Knowing more of the language would make daily life easier. We want to be able to connect more with local friends and be able to speak to others we see at the playground or just taxi drivers. We don't want to waste this great opportunity to learn a new language either, as it's rare to have such an opportunity!

Ryan, too, is busy working a full time job, being a great husband, and an amazing father. He doesn't want to take time away from us to study language either, as it seems every day Hadassah is growing and changing in some big way. The weeks fly by, and we're still behind on move-in tasks. Fit in something new?

But, we found a way to study language and bring him and I closer together! It's small - 1 hour/week with a tutor after Hadassah goes to bed on Thursday evenings, plus quizzing each other in the moments we get here and there. And yes, having a lesson together has the downside of less time for us to have individual talking time. But the quizzing each other and just learning together more than makes up for it. It gives us something we're both working on and thinking about, and I just love learning with Ryan, as he thinks to ask more questions than I ever would. He's also amazing at hearing and saying the tones Chinese requires, something I too often slack in, so has been ruthless in holding me to the right ones when we study, correcting me way more than my teacher does, so that I know I will improve with his help. He still has some of an upper hand on me with his grasp of Chinese, having lived here before, studied it in college, and just interacted with more taxi drivers and restaurant staff and so on, but I did get a little further on some vocabulary in my previous lessons. And while he has more time to quiz me during the day (as I'm doing dishes or getting lunch on the table or wrangling Hadassah or whatever), he gets the advantage of learning by teaching (which sometimes helps you remember more) so we're both benefiting.

It's a small step. We only just started, and we'll have to take a break in a month when we head back to America for 2 months. But, we finally decided we had to start somewhere, and something is better than nothing. I am grateful to be able to study with my best friend!

Shorter and Taller

If possible, almost everything in our new apartment seems even shorter than the previous one. Though the Chinese people tend to be shorter on a whole than Americans, or at least the older generation does, I really don't feel that out of place when I'm out. At 5'8" I know I'm on the taller side, but I don't tower over many people. Yet everything still seems set up for a shorter culture. And I'm convinced whoever designed our apartment must have been short of stature.

I have to bend my knees and lean back to get my head under the shower head to wash my hair. The door handles are lower down... meaning Hadassah can open all the doors now. The counters are shorter, which isn't kind to my back... and means Hadassah can grab things off more easily. Oh yes, and she can also quite easily turn on the Berkey water filter since it sits on the counter - anyone want a flood? The desk is also shorter, allowing easier access to her most prized "no no touch": the computer.

Yes, this mom was very weary on Monday, after it seemed all morning Hadassah would go from one thing to the other. To top it all off, we were finally in a normal enough week, with Hadassah in her new, set-up room, to start room time back up again. I've seen the benefits of her having independent play time, first in her play pen and then starting a few months ago in her room. She focuses better, seems to be more calm from a little time alone, and it lets me make lunch uninterrupted! But, this time every few minutes she'd come running out, with glee that she could open the door.

We talked about how she needed to stay in. We disciplined. But it seemed like every few minutes she'd come running out again. I was glad when it was finally lunch time and daddy was home... Ryan coming home for lunch is always a joy, but that day was a particularly "whew" moment. Just some adult conversation does a weary mom good!

On Tuesday we talked about how Hadassah had to listen and obey mommy for room time, and that if she came out before Mommy said it was "all done," there would be consequences. It happened once. The was discipline. And then she stayed! I didn't leave her for long, because I wanted to encourage the small victory. Wednesday came, and despite me hearing her suggest loudly "room time all done!" quite a few times, she didn't come out once. Another big praise and telling Daddy all about it at lunch. :) Now it's Friday and she has continued to obey, though we're only up to 15 minutes at a time. I'm learning when you take break from things and have to re-train, you've got to start low and work back up again... But a mom can do a lot in even just 15 minutes!

Other things are becoming less of a testing, too. Consistency does pay off. I'm not perfect in it - it's easy to let things slide "just once" but especially at this age, I'm seeing first hand just how important it is to be consistent. She then knows what to expect and finds security and peace in that. Noticing and praising and sometimes rewarding restraint also helps her learn it's much better to obey mommy than to throw herself on the floor, touch, and then scream when reprimanded. Yes, we still have our fair share of that. But, small victories, right? I know how important teaching her to obey my voice at this stage is, so we're continuing to work on it. To say "yes mommy" to instructions and come when called. Slowly but surely... and that "yes mommy" when she repeats it after me is the sweetest-sounding thing ever!

The little miss is ever growing taller. I am amazed at what a big girl we have now! And it is such a joy to get to train and impact such a sweet, young life. I get weary at times, but nothing will ever make me regret being a mommy.

And, not everything is shorter at the new place. The fridge/freezer that came with it is - and when our other fridge was still probably only half the size of an American one, we finally made the investment for a larger, taller one. We kept the short one, so having two is definitely making me feel spoiled. My bread no longer molds after a few days, and we can have watermelon again without it going rotten for lack of space! It's nice to not be playing Tetris each time I try to fit new things inside too. :)

Another taller thing I'm thankful for? A long-handled broom! When we moved to Shanghai I searched everywhere local to find a broom I didn't have to stoop to sweep with, but all in vain. But on my first trip to IKEA I found what to me felt like gold... No more multiple-times-daily stooping to sweep the floor. My back is rejoicing!

Shorter and taller... Giving opportunities for new growth and new joys amid new challenges. 

First week after moving (cont)

Continuing to record the craziness of our first week in our new apartment.... Though I'm so tired it's getting hard to remember exactly what I was doing a week ago! :) Hadassah seemed to think it a good idea to wake up earlier every day, and even if she was happy to stay in her crib, we woke up to the noises. It being completely light outside by 5 AM doesn't help; though we have black-out curtains in her room, she seems to sense that the sun is up. Usually we'd be early to bed too, but with all that has to happen to set up a new place, after she went to bed was prime working time. But, so it goes. Once we're settled, we're thinking we'll just focus on sleeping for a while!

Thursday
Thankfully Hadassah woke pretty happy, though it did wear off some as the day progressed. But, I could tell that she was finally on the mend, and even her rash was starting to show signs of retreat. I knew that her fever was caused by a virus because I started to feel the effects. With as much sharing as I do with her, there's almost no way not to catch whatever sickness she gets. I tried to ignore the sore throat feeling and hoped it would just leave, but after a long morning of playing inside, I was feeling the effects of a fever and desperate for a nap myself.

Hadassah wasn't too interested in one, though, despite being obviously tired. The poor girl still wasn't completely comfortable. I'd cuddled and sang her to sleep the night before when she was in the midst of obvious misery (something that would normally not work, so I knew she was out of it!), and so after a few cries, I just gave up. While I'm a big fan of her sleeping by herself, there are exceptions, and sickness is a big one. Plus, I just wanted to lay down myself! And with the painter working in the living room that day, and our room off limits as it aired out after it's previous day's painting, the only place for me TO lay down comfortably was in Hadassah's room. So I went in, announced we were going to have a special mommy & Hadassah nap together, and she was happy about it at first. But then, of course, found it was harder to fall asleep with mommy there than when she was alone as normal. She kept trying to get off the bed, and cried at the idea of being put back in her crib, though, so we persisted. I required her to lay down, we sang lots of songs, and finally, after probably 45 minutes, her eyes started closing...

The cuddles and singing and time together was special - a time to cherish as it's rare. But it also made me glad she normally loves taking a nap without protest, as it sure took a while for her to calm down! But that day, I was glad I could just lay myself, and we ended up both sleeping for about an hour before she woke with distressed cries. More popsicles, more computer videos, and watching the clock until Daddy came home. By now I was completely miserable and didn't want to move with my pounding head and chills, and considered calling Ryan to come home early. But with all the work he'd missed already that week, I knew I just needed to last... Never did time seem to be move so slowly though!

Leftover pizza wasn't the healthiest option, especially when I was sick, but it was all I had energy or freedom from a clingy toddler to get on the table. At least I added a salad and we didn't have to go anywhere... And Hadassah actually ate that night, giving me hope she was going to be all better soon. At bedtime she just required one extra song as I patted her back before settling down without protest, so I was relieved sleep was returning to normal too.

Ryan wanted to go to IKEA, hoping to get a mattress topper so we could actually sleep in our own bed soon, but I needed him home that night. I felt miserable and just wanted to be with my man. Even just sitting on the couch researching mattress toppers and bookshelves on IKEA.com felt relaxing after all the craziness of the week, especially when I could lean against him... I fell asleep on the couch as he cleaned up some things, not even bothering with the supper dishes. Ryan said that's how he knew for sure I was out of it!

Friday
Hadassah was up early again, and I felt like I didn't want to be alive. After a rough night tossing with fever and chills, I wasn't ready to be awake. Ryan took Hadassah outside soon after she woke around 5 AM, and I meant to get up and make breakfast, but mostly just sat on the couch and waited for tylenol to kick in... When I finally did make breakfast on their return, I made it through tears. I felt that miserable and exhausted and at a loss at what to do. How could I face another day like this? Being a mom while being sick is one of the hardest things I think...

I learned to ask for help. To be vulnerable. I don't like asking for help, and feel like I've had to SO much amid moving in another culture and language, but I had mentioned via wechat to a friend in the complex that I was sick and could use prayer the day before, and she told me to let her know if she could help in any way. So... I took the risk, feeling like I could be a bother, but also knew I couldn't get through the day alone. Ryan wanted to stay home from work, but he was already going to have to work some on Saturday to make up for all the time already missed that week. As it was, he stayed home a little later to be with Hadassah, and then dropped her off at the friend's house. She had been more than willing when I'd asked, and I knew it wouldn't only be good for me, but also for my girl who had been stuck inside all week!

The painter wasn't there that day, as the final room, which Hadassah was sleeping in, we'd asked him to paint the following week while we waited for her room (which had been painted with the lower grade, VOC paint accidentally) to air out. I resisted the urge to do the dishes that were overflowing, and laid on the couch for a whole hour! I took another round of Tylenol, and by the time she brought Hadassah back mid-morning, I was ready to make a simple lunch and get the dishes done. Funny how just getting things more in order helps me feel better too.

I was still feverish by lunch, but I could tell things weren't AS bad. So Ryan made plans to go straight from work downtown to get a mattress and bookshelves from IKEA. We were both ready to be able to sleep in our room, and missed being able to sleep side-by-side with our current couch beds!

Thankfully Hadassah napped fine on her own, and I got to sleep too. We had another quiet afternoon, taking one thing at a time, and I let her watch more than usual again. In sickness, I make huge exception to my usual "very limited video" policy, especially when the heat trapped us inside. ;)

When the little one was in bed I did the dishes as I texted my husband, who was on the subway home. It was so nice to have him finally have a phone that works, after a year of sharing a cell phone and many frustrating situations when we couldn't get in touch. We flirted over texts, smiling as we remembered the hundreds of texts we sent while engaged. By the time he was home we were ready to relax together and enjoy an episode of "Madame Secretary." We're not much into TV shows, but recently found this one free on Youku (Chinese movie site) and have been pleasantly surprised by how it's a great plot that's actually very clean, intriguing enough for Ryan's brain yet a story enough for mine, and portrays a very strong marriage between the main character and her husband, with her mentioning that she'd be even willing to give up her demanding job as secretary of state if it caused her to lose him in any way. It's been a good way to relax when we just can't think about details anymore!

Ironically, despite Ryan going all the way downtown, it's now a week later and we still have yet to sleep in our own room on our own bed! The mattress topper was too heavy for him to bring home himself, and delivery couldn't happen until Monday. By then, we had an unexpected guest coming, so we gave her our room so she could sleep and not be woken super early by an energetic girl, and what we thought was going to be one night of her staying turned out to be three. Which is wonderful - we love her company! - but we laugh with a twinge of remorse that we have yet to enjoy the retreat of our newly painted blue and white peaceful room. It feels like the Promised Land we've seen but have yet to enter... But, soon!!

Saturday
5 AM always feels like way too early to get up on a Saturday, but a toddler doesn't seem to care. I was thankful to at least feel a little more alive, with the fever finally gone. I was congested and coughing some, but having a clear head makes a world of difference!

It was an answer to prayer, too, as with everything happening the previous week, I'd never gotten to go back over to our old apartment to clean up. Our landlady there has been so wonderful, that I wanted to leave things at least as nice as we found it. So after breakfast, I headed over with rags in hand and set to sweeping and wiping and scrubbing. Ryan had his own challenges having to wait around at home for a guy to come and fix our main door handle (it completely just fell out a few days prior, seemingly rusted straight through). The frustration of not being able to talk to repair men directly, especially when they're late or you're not sure when they're returning continues to be very real. Thankfully we had a Chinese friend kind enough to be called on the phone as translator and go-between, but again... always humbling to have to ask. I know it's good for us, though...

Finally, he was able to set out with Hadassah on a long-promised "Daddy-daughter date." She loves those so so much! She still remembers places he took her months ago, and there's nothing that gets her to light up with joy as much as telling her she was going on a date with daddy! Ryan took her to an indoor play place at a nearby new mall. They had fun, but she also was ready to be done sooner than anticipated, as it seemed many other parents had the idea to escape the heat and let the kids work off some energy! Our little girl is getting better, but crowds are still not her favorite, especially when she gets unwanted attention from the grandmas... But riding escalators up and down makes her just as happy as a pricey play place, so they were occupied until I joined them at the mall for lunch.

I had a talkative taxi driver on the way over. Usually they don't say anything to me, which I'm just as happy about, as trying to understand and word responses makes me sweat! But this guy was really friendly, encouraged my Chinese, and didn't seem frustrated when I didn't understand, just asking questions in another way. He was all smiles when he learned I had one daughter already, as he noticed I was pregnant too. I asked if he had any children, and he beamed as he said he had two. Recent Chinese law allows couples to have two children if they themselves are both from single-child families. He asked how many children I wanted, and I told him "many children. I love children." He kept pressing for a number that I wanted, so I said seven, though we've not set a number and would be quite happy with even more. He laughed and gave a thumbs up, and somewhat sadly said in China, he could only have two. It would be so hard to be under that restriction...

We enjoyed fried rice from a known place for lunch, and discovered a pick-ingredients-yourself delight at Dairy Cream. Ice cream with strawberries and blueberries generously topped with thick whipped cream is just what a hot day required, especially when we had to walk a little ways in the sun to find a taxi.

Hadassah went down for a good nap, and I envied her some, but knew I needed to get back to cleaning. Ryan had offered to do the cleaning for me, but deep cleaning relaxes me in its own way (while exhausting my body, 'tis true!) as my brain just loves turning mess into orderly cleanliness. It was my way of saying goodbye to a home that held so many memories too, and gave me quiet time to think and pray (a rarity for a mom!). I prayed for all the people we'd had in that home, that God would water seeds that had been planted...

By the time Hadassah woke from a long nap, giving Ryan time to rest and catch up on some work documents, my knees were aching from washing all the floors but I was down to one room and bathroom. I was going to make it! We wanted to see our neighbor too, so after her yogurt snack, Ryan brought Hadassah over by taxi. I was on the last room, the bathroom, which he was gracious enough to take over so I could visit our neighbor. It was so good to see her and catch up, and also be a companion for, as her husband had been gone over a week to a conference. It's just the beginning of his year in America... She is in a hard situation with many choices to make... I pray for her and want to continue to be as much encouragement as I can be even when not just next door.

By then it was dinner time. On more quick sweep of the laundry area, and the house looked sparkling and neat. We went back to the mall for dinner... This week had been a topsy turvy one with many meals not quite normal, so why not continue it? :) We enjoyed another of our shows before sinking into our couch cushions. Good thing about being so exhausted is that you sleep well no matter where!

Sunday
This day was almost normal! Hadassah was acting her full, normal, happy-and-energetic self. She is growing so fast, and so so sweet!

 This stroller has been the BEST buy, and was even from Shanghai Secondhand. She pushes her beloved ni-night all through the house, always making sure she's strapped in, saying "Don't fall out of the stroller, ni-night!" in the most adorable way.

Ryan continues the tradition of taking her outside just after her morning milk, to get a little of the morning coolness and time walking and playing on the slides. She loves their time together, and when he came back in and laid down for some much-deserved rest, she climbed up to snuggle him. I love watching a daughter with her daddy. :)

We made the trek downtown, but it was at a normal time and for a normal length of time. The smell of smoke in the taxi wasn't pleasant, but so goes life in China - you never know what taxi you'll be given! Lunch was one of our favorites, Element Fresh, and we left soon after church ended and took food to go so we'd be home at a decent hour for Hadassah to nap. Eating in the taxi helps take up part of the long ride too, which helps everyone. Ryan gave me an amazing massage (my body was feeling the effects of scrubbing an entire apartment the day before!) which relaxed me so much I took a deep-sleep nap while he again caught up on missed work. He's a good employee, my man.

We did have to wake Hadassah up to get over to our old apartment to meet our landlady at 4 PM, but she had gotten good sleep and was in a good mood. The beaming smile on our landlady's face as she exclaimed about how clean and nice everything looked made all the sweaty hours of cleaning more than worth it, and we left on good terms. Felt weird to walk out of that complex, knowing we had no keys to such a familiar place! We celebrated a job well done with a strawberry popsicle, and enjoyed good leftovers for supper. That evening we were just a family, no huge chores to do, just enjoying time together. Life is slowly returning to whatever normal is possible when you live overseas!